


Hair

by kuresoto



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuresoto/pseuds/kuresoto
Summary: She looked at herself in the mirror, probably longer than she shoulddrabble





	Hair

She looked at her reflection long and hard. She had just gotten out of the ‘fresher, skin still clammy and hair dripping at the ends. After the novelty of having proper showers faded, Rey moved onto staring at herself in the mirror longer than she should. It was always after she had showered, when her mind was clear but still hazy from the steam. Fog clouded the the mirror, obscuring her reflection but it was how she liked it. Body numb, she lifted her hand and traced a line across the surface, finger catching the water drops until it rolled down to the bottom of the glass.

She did this often. Always drawing the shape from memory. Or from her dreams, but she didn’t want to entertain that idea.

Would it be thicker? Or would it not have left even a scar?

The mirror was still clouded but the single line was enough to see herself completely. It started from the middle of her forehead and extended down between her eyes and down the right side of her face, the pooled water running vertically down to where her neck and shoulders connected.

The mirror eventually cleared and the line was nothing but a smudge on the surface. It didn’t look right.

Part of the standard grooming kit she received from the Resistance included a razor. She never saw the use for it, being a scavenger meant other things were more important than shaving armpits or legs, but even now she didn’t see the point of it. The ventilation kept her cool so if anything, the hair on her legs and under her arms kept her warm from the sudden change in climate.

She held the razor in a vice grip, the blades hovering so close to her face that she almost went cross-eyed from looking at her thumb. With an aching slowness, she pressed the razor between her brows. She didn’t move any further. Did it start there? Or was it more to the right?

“Ah!”

A harsh clanking of metal on metal echoed in the small ‘fresher. Rey remained unmoving, eyes wide as she took in the small cut above the bridge of her nose. It was small nick, but enough to draw blood. With her heart racing at what she had done, or even thought of doing, red pearled at the skin until it trickled down. She flicked her head to the side and the blood trailed down the right of her face.

Like how his scar would look.

Or at least, as close as she could get it with her memory.

A small pair of scissors was also in the kit she was given. They were for trimming nail cuticles or sewing or something, Rey wasn’t sure, but they were extremely small in her hand.

Rey chuckled; if they were small in her hands, it would be crushed in _his_.

She startled at the thought. No. No, no, no. Shut up. No.

_Snip!_

The plastic pair of scissors were probably not the tool for the job, but using the razor would probably take longer. With blood still on her face, she frantically cut her hair. Her cuts were haphazard and clumsy, but she needed to get it all off. Her fingers hurt from scissor handles pressing against her knuckle.

After a few moments, Rey stood panting with hair pooled at her feet and loose bits stuck to her body. She threw the scissors aside and gingerly touched her hair. No longer ending at her chest, her hair now brushed the top of her shoulders.

Just. Like. His.

‘ _Rey, General Organa wants us to go to the meeting_.’

Rey swiped her face as if the person on the other side of the intercom could see what she was doing.

“Yep, I’ll be right there,” she replied, hastily grabbing the bactagel to rub on her cut.

Later as members of the Resistance milled around in the meeting room, Finn and Poe pushed their way towards Rey. She kept to herself at the back of the room, not feeling quite like herself to announce her presence.

“What’s with the hair? And what happened to your face?” Finn asked.

Rey shrugged. “Felt like changing my look and nicked myself when you buzzed me on the comms.”

“Ah, sorry, sorry,” apologised Poe. “It’s different though. Suits you.”

Nothing much was said about her appearance after that, General Organa entering the room to start the meeting.

-

Again, she looked at her reflection long and hard. The mirror was clouded from steam again, and again, she lifted her finger and traced a line across the reflective surface.

She was starting to look more like him.

She wanted to throw up.

 


End file.
